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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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The Day the Scones Fought Back- Prelude

It was approximately seven in the morning as I reached into the cabinet above the toaster. I fully expected to find some cereal, perhaps enough for one or two bowls of Frosted Flakes; what I found was much more troubling. What I took for a stale muffin greeted my hungry hand, and I looked at it carefully. I had no idea what a muffin would be doing in the cereal cabinet, but that wasn't what worried me. After putting down the muffin I immediately went to procure something to eat, and was surprised to see all the various boxes of cereal in the cabinet (I kept several in case I got hungry) were gone! I searched throughout the kitchen, but to no avail. Not only was the cereal gone, but so were the pancakes, eggs, and bacon. The Pop Tarts were gone, yet strangely the cardboard container remained. I had to eat a sandwich that morning. A delicious sandwich. But questions were left unanswered, though. I wondered deep into the afternoon, "What happened to the cereal?" and such. I also pondered the mystery of the stale muffin in the cereal cabinet. If I had been paying attention that night when I came home, I would have realized that although I had left the muffin on the counter before leaving, it was now gone.

The day was shaping up to be nothing short of annoying. After roughly interrogating my closest friends, I realized a horrible truth- no one had eaten breakfast that morning! This exacerbated the already angry freshmen, and they started running around the cafeteria and screaming. Well, they might have. I wasn't there. But I do know that in the hallways I distinctly heard the word "scone". What did it all mean?!?!

I stared out the window, not looking at anything at particular. The thought crossed my mind that someone could easily look in through the window (perhaps to make faces at me) but I shunned the idea, as it was midnight. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw something at the end of the driveway. It moved, and scampered off into the trees. Must have been a chipmunk, I thought to myself. But I already knew it wasn't. Still, it couldn't have been what I thought it was. It was small, light brown... No! It was a chipmunk- or a weird squirrel. Yes! That's it! It was a weird squirrel. But even if I had accepted what I saw, it would have made no difference. So, I turned around to do my homework, and saw it.

On my desk was a muffin. I stared in horror as I recognized it as the one I left on the counter that morning, only slightly more stale. I picked it up, and looked at it. There was nothing strange about this muffin, yet inside I felt a strong urge to eat it. But immediately after biting into the muffin did I realize what was happening. Flashes came to me... a man in a blue cloak... a jar of pickles... yes... sour pickles... and finally... a poodle. Then I fell to the ground and felt like I was punched in the throat by some really strong guy that hated me. I turned and saw the muffin. Only it wasn't a muffin. It was a scone.


Processing 2×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

This is obviously the greatest prelude I've ever read.

6/25/2005 11:20 AM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

Obviously. Too bad you'll never see this comment, you pitiful ant-creature. You no longer exist. And now, I must be going. Leaving comments on ancient posts that will never be seen again are so esoteric.


3/21/2006 6:18 PM